This Time Seven Years Ago

This is a part of my life that I would rather not talk about. I have talked about it often in times past, but for those who don't know me well, I wanted to share an experience that changed my life forever. Consider this another update for my testimony and what the Lord has blessed me with.

I had just had my second baby and we moved from Arizona back to Louisiana. I had my son in August of 2002 and we moved back when he was about a month and a half. It was mid September when we moved back after 15 months. I knew that I had to come back, because there was something here that I left behind. I had to find it again. It was salvation and the Lord. It was the feeling that I had when I would spent Sunday mornings at the Potter's House church, right after Kayla was born. I would stay for worship and leave, so I never learned about salvation. The Lord was dealing with me. However, I knew then that what I felt was real, just as I knew when I felt the uncontrollable desire to come back. Little did I know about the war that I would have to fight in the next few months.

We had stayed with my ex husband's best friend for about a month. Then later we moved into his sister's house, with her husband and 2 kids. Tracy and I were always close and I love her, still. I love Jesse and Victoria as well. Those are her two kids. I had always admired Robert (her now ex husband) because he was a provider for his family and a good dad. Although I knew my purpose for leaving Arizona was not only because of the family drama, it was to go back to church. I didn't go back right away. Satan would see to it that I went through pure hell on earth before I did. And that, my friend, I did.

I know now that I must have suffered from an anxiety attack, thanks to an angel who seems to know. I knew it wasn't good, but never could give it a name. Now I can see that I had all of the symptoms of an anxiety attack, including parts of my past haunting me, to include fear. I won't go into detail about all of that, but I will say that I had a severe anxiety attack that landed me in the psychiatric ward for 9 days.

It all began with what I now know to be post pardum depression, stress because of our living situation to top it off with insomnia, not eating for a week and the biggest was fear. This had gone on for about a week. I didn't eat or sleep for a week and I had a brand new baby and a 2 year old. I nursed my baby, but my milk supply was low because of the stress and no eating. All that did was make matters worse for both my baby and I. All of these led to a dominoes effect.

All the while these things were happening, I cried out to the Lord for mercy. I never really knew how to pray. The people around me were not too spiritual besides the Buddahs and dragons laying around. They said they were Christian, but I have always felt another spirit. Anyway, I just prayed and cried out to the Lord. This was on December 16, 2002.

I was scared of my husband and anyone else around me. He always made me fearful and the trust was long gone anyway. Many things happened and little did I know this was all happening because the Lord had greater plans. I am sure they are still in the making.

I began to speak in another language. At first I was scared of it but I did feel a sense of peace. Sometimes I wonder if it was the Holy Ghost or another language. The bible speaks of many. I ask this because the experience of speaking in tongues at church the following year (right after my youngest was born) felt so much different. There are tongues of angels as well. I want to learn more about that too.

I had met a lady while I was in the hospital those nine days. All I remember is that her last name was Smith (like mine at the time) and she was there because her husband wanted a divorce is she didn't get help. She confided in me about things and I gave her good advice. She took my advice and told me that she thinks I helped save her marriage. She even sketched me a picture of an angel for Christmas. (I still have this). She encouraged me in the midst of my own chaos. I hope that she is still married and that she is better. It is a blessing to be a blessing even when your own world is turning upside down.

I went without smoking those nine days and was repenting of it. However, I started back up when I got out. I sought the Lord and read in the Bible about baptism in Acts 2:38. The Lord showed me this scripture and told me to call the church to see if they baptised like Peter spoke of in Acts. I never heard of this as I was raised in the Catholic church. Sister Holley brought me a Bible study about it and I began going to church. I am still in this church, baptised and filled with the Holy Ghost.

Through all of that I was able to touch a life and hopefully make a difference. If I went through all of that just to encourage that lady and be there for her when she needed a friend, is was all worth while. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I am honored to be used for His glory. I had missed my baby's first Christmas that year. Many things has happened since then, but I am so blessed that the Lord has strengthened me and has always been there for me. I am truly blessed!